Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
