Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
