If i come over, it means nothing
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dignity is for republicans.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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