I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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