If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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