I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
