You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
