So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
