My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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