I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
