So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
