He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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