I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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