We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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