walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
