That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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