Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize