just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
