i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
