she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
