The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize