Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
