I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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