I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
