he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
false alarm. still invincible.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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