just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
