he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize