Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize