I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
