that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
