I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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