like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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