I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
