I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
