guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
