Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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