halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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