She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My vagina is officially offended.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
