Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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