That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
