He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
