Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
