I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
