how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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