I'm going to jail i love you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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