I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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