i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
