I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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