i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
