Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
