So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
