apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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