You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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