update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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