I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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