Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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