I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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