The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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