when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
