stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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