I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
