you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
