well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
