You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize