And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
