You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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