Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
