I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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