She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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