I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i will never coherently bang her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
